你是怎麼意識到自己很窮的？
I thought we were well off when I was young。
我年輕的時候以為我們很富裕。
We had a house， 2 older but functional cars， and we always had food。
我們有一所房子，兩輛老舊但功能齊全的汽車，我們總是有吃的。
I did not understand why my dad was always away， or why my mom was always nervous and irritable。
我不明白為什麼爸爸總是不在家，為什麼媽媽總是那麼緊張和易怒。
I did not notice that it was always the same food， and there were no pictures on the peanut butter， vegetables， or cheese。
我沒有注意到我們總是吃同樣的食物，在花生醬、蔬菜或乳酪上都沒有圖案。
I didn‘t know other people didn’t drink powdered milk。
我不知道別人不喝奶粉。
I didn‘t realize a lot of things。
很多事情我都沒有意識到。
One day， in school， I noticed that my lunch tickets were a different color than the ones the kids around me had。
有一天，在學校裡，我注意到我的午餐券和我周圍的孩子們的顏色不一樣。
I asked why the office gave them that color， and why they did not have to initial theirs。
我問他們，為什麼辦公室要給他們這種顏色，為什麼他們不必在他們的名字上籤首字母。
They said they got their tickets from their parents every week。
他們說他們每週都會從父母那裡拿到餐券。
They had no idea what I was talking about。
他們根本不知道我在說什麼。
My mom deflected the question when I asked。
我問媽媽時，她把話題轉開了。
I got curious。
我很好奇。
I noticed we did not go to the store to get clothes。
我注意到我們不去商店買衣服。
I always got boxes of clothes I tried on at home。
我在家試穿的衣服都是成箱成箱的。
Whatever didn’t fit just wandered off。 My shoes didn‘t have the same logos， and my coats had none。
不合身的衣服就隨便扔了。我的鞋子上沒有同樣的標誌，外套上也沒有。
My dad always wore the exact same pair of boots to work， and I had happily chiseled the crusted blacktop off of them so they looked nice over the years。
我爸爸總是穿同一雙靴子去上班，我曾很高興地鑿掉了鞋上面的瀝青，這樣多年來靴子看起來都很漂亮。
I began to see that our cars were rustier than most， and little losses were devastating to my mom。
我開始意識到，我們的車比大多數車都更破舊，小小的損失對媽媽來說都是毀滅性的打擊。
I saw the overall quality of what we had was shabbier than my classmates’ things。
我看到我制服的質量比我同學的東西差。
It all began to make sense。
一切都開始清晰了。
There was no “aha“ moment。
沒有“啊哈”時刻。
It was a slow dawning realization。
這是一個慢慢覺醒的過程。
We were poor。
我們很窮。
Not absolutely， but relative to our community。
不是絕對的，但相對於我們的社群來說。
My mom figured out I knew before my dad did。
我媽比我爸更早發現我知道。
My demeanor didn’t change， but my behavior did。
我的舉止沒有變，但我的行為變了。
I asked for less。
我要求的更少。
I didn‘t ask for anything for Christmas that year。
那年的聖誕節，我沒有要過任何東西。
Or any year after。
或者以後的任何一年。
I asked to have small birthday parties at home。
我要求在家裡舉行小型生日聚會。
I was never big on clothing trends， but wore clothes until they fell apart or I had completely outgrown them。
我從不熱衷於服裝潮流，但我一直把衣服穿到破爛，或者我已經完全不適合它們了。
I stopped asking for money for a donut and milk at the bakery across from the school （they were day olds the manager kept for me without me knowing。）
我不再在學校對面的麵包店裡向他們要甜甜圈和牛奶的錢了（他們是經理給我留的，我卻不知道）。
I walked to school more and asked for rides less。
我走路上學的次數多了，坐車的次數少了。
I paid attention to prices when we went grocery shopping， and asked for less big ticket items。
當我們去雜貨店購物時，我注意價格，並要求購買價格較低的商品。
I did not tell my brother。
我沒有告訴我哥哥。
I shared more with him。
我和他分享了更多。
I accepted more invitations when my friends parents offered dinner or to stay over。
當我朋友的父母請我吃飯或在家裡過夜時，我接受了更多的邀請。
I asked my friends to stay over less often。
我讓我的朋友少在家裡過夜。
I learned to repair my bike， to sew， and to garden。
我學會了修理腳踏車、縫紉和園藝。
I seldom turned on my lights， took short showers， bundled up in the winter， and avoided the TV aside from a few shows。
我很少開燈，淋浴時間很短，冬天穿得嚴嚴實實，除了幾部電視節目外，也不願看電視。
I understood that which my parents had hidden from me。
我明白了父母瞞著我的事。
I adjusted。
我調整。
They accepted that I was helping in my own way。
他們承認我是在以自己的方式幫助他們。
To their credit， they would offer to buy clothes， try to tempt me with the Toys’r‘us catalog， and would pay attention to everything I would eyeball at the mall and Farm&Fleet。
值得讚揚的是，他們會主動提出買衣服，試圖用玩具反斗城（Toys’r’us）的目錄來吸引我，而且會對我在商場和Farm&Fleet看到的任何東西都給予關注。
They would not let me avoid the school book fair， since they knew my great love was reading。
他們不讓我去參加學校的書展，因為他們知道我的最愛是讀書。
I still have that love。
我仍然擁有這份愛。
What they fostered grew。
他們培育的東西會生長。
I am still frugal， weigh the cost of items against their value， buy mostly from thrift stores， and live simply。
我仍然是一個節儉的人，我會衡量物品的價格，主要從廉價商店購買，過著簡單的生活。
I cherish experiences and people more than objects。
比起物品，我更珍惜經歷和人。
I try to constantly keep learning and growing。
我努力不斷地學習和成長。
I learned I was never truly poor。
我知道自己從來就不是真正的窮人。
I just lacked money。
我只是缺錢。